God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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