the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
