while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize