you have to choose: penises or morals?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
