Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My dick has a subreddit
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
