If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
