Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
