I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
false alarm, still single
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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