well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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