Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
