I wish I could punch you in the face.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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