I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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