Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
