There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
