Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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