So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
