I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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