Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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