this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
