Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
