you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
