i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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