I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
