I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
