she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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