i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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