dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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