So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
