I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I need moral support for this bender
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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