So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
