Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
