this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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