Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
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We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
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I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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