Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
