I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
