My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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