He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
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So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
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my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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