Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
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googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
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Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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