suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
