is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
