Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
