Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
