He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
