I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
