turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
