she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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