there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
