I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
