fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
