My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
