So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
