He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
