Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
