I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
