wat bout pragnant strippers??
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
