the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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