My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
