is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
