He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
