How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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