Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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