You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
