I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
