Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
