I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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