I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You were trust falling into bushes
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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