I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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