life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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