We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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