Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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