Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
