Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We were destined to go to rehab together
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
